Archive for the ‘strange’ category

Kraft’s “Assume Nothing” Lobster Commercial

September 11, 2016

 

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In a brief surreal commercial for Kraft Foods, we are introduced to Bill, who assumed that an event was a costume party, attending it in a full lobster suit. – – Don’t you hate it when that happens?!  Hapless Bill even inadvertently clouts a woman with a claw when he turns; wouldn’t that make for an interesting lawsuit?  Like Bill, I can relate to social embarrassments, being a fox out of the woodlands myself; the faux pas is my life.

Bill also assumed that his mayo was the best, when Kraft olive oil mayo delivers the taste with half the calories of the competition.  “Assume Nothing!,” we are counseled by the advertiser.  While these are words to live by, this is not to advocate unconditional buying into conspiracy theories despite the fact that it’s an election year…

“Mystery Lights” on Monsters & Mysteries Unsolved

July 31, 2016

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Unexplained lights of unknown origin, mystery lights appear without warning or explanation, and were featured in a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries:  Unsolved.

…Marfa, Texas, for example, is considered a mystery light “hotspot.” While the glowing orbs usually appear bouncing around on the horizon, in a 1994 incident the Marfa lights appeared to chase a moving vehicle, leading some to speculate that there was an intelligence behind them. Dr. James Bunnell, a former NASA engineer and Marfa lights researcher, has constructed autonomous viewing stations, and feels that the lights represent a chemical process going on.

On Brown Mountain, North Carolina, lights have been seen for hundreds of years, and have been considered spiritual, a kind of residual haunting. A more scientific perspective is that granite deposits in the mountain create electromagnetic fields that power the phenomena in a piezoelectric fashion. Dr. Dan Caton, an astronomer at the Dark Sky Observatory, considers the lights to be related to ball lightning. Footage captured by paranormal researcher Joshua Warren on Brown Mountain was examined by Dr. Onad of Princeton University, who thought the light source high energy, and possibly related to gamma or x-rays.

Lights have also been associated with earthquake activity in places like Japan. Dr. Freund in studying the phenomena there found that rocks produce electric current when deformed and pressured.

Mystery Lights in the sky have been studied by Project Hessdaler in Norway for over two decades. The lights are found to interact with the landscape in strange ways, and to move like anything known on Earth. This leads us to a UFO connection, with author Nick Redfern noting that WWII fighters saw luminous “foo fighters” felt to exhibit intelligence. Many pilots since have witnessed mystery lights. In an example cited, Dr. Torres in Manston, England in 1957 engaged a target at 32,000 feet; although himself traveling at almost Mach 1, the target eluded him, and was estimated to be moving at Mach 10. The pilot was told not to talk about his mission, which was finally declassified in 2006.

So whether you believe that mystery lights in the skies are a natural process, spiritual, or of extraterrestrial origin, heed the advice of 1950’s sci fi movies, and watch the skies! Doing so has got to be better than watching reality TV, right?  

Roadkill Raps in Bosch Commercial!

December 24, 2015

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It’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets the British show Mongrels in a dark and bizarre commercial spot for Bosch’s Icon wiper blades sponsored by the Humane Society called, “Don’t Be A Roadkill Car.”  

A quintet of road-slaughtered animals brings home the message that better wiper blades by facilitating your vision might have prevented their gruesome demise.  Meet Frank the Squirrel, who peels his flattened and protesting self off the road surface to demonstrate a still impressive set of vocal chords.  He is joined by Buck the Deer, Francesca Fox, Streetz the Skunk, and a tire-marked rabbit.  I found Francesca especially compelling in how she could extend up her severed head in her own paws.  They’ve all clearly seen much better days, but are doing their best undead service for Bosch blades and animal preservation.  It’s a gutsy commercial, literally and figuratively…

The commercial/public service announcement pushes the envelope, and is likely to shock if not revolt some viewers; their performance and their singing will, however, likely stick in your head!  As a year-round fan of Halloween and horror, these singing furry zombies with a message furnished me with a perfect antidote for the Xmas merchandising we’ve been relentlessly exposed to since October…I’d buy their album!

 

Tums Hot Dog Campsite Attack!

September 7, 2015

 

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They bay at the moon, and attack your campsite in a pack, like wolves…the creepy, four-limbed, human sized hot dogs in a recent Tums commercial, that is! Brandishing a burning stick in one hand and his Tums package like a cross before a vampire, our intrepid camper is able to drive the marauding processed meats off.  Such is life in the Twilight Zone of the food chain…(shudders)

Be afraid, be very afraid…Tums has lately alarmed us with tales of assaultive meat foods that have included chicken wings, a nightmarish headless barbecued chicken, sky-diving meatballs, and what appeared to be a very angry corned beef sandwich.  It’s enough to make me want to add additional countermeasures to my existing zombie defense network…

Geico Water Hazard Monster!

September 3, 2015

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Golf tends not to be especially thrilling as a spectator sport, but it could be enlivened considerably by making the water hazards truly hazardous, say by putting a Kraken into the water!  Golfer Bill in a recent Geico commercial is having a truly bad round when an enormous tentacle whips out of the water and ensnares him, the golfer flailing helplessly against its iron grip.

The sportscasters in the face of this spectacle are unflappable, commenting in whispered tones about how the golfer’s five iron may not be enough club to handle this situation; he’s gonna lose a stroke on this one!  More of the Kraken then becomes  visible for inspection, and it is truly a beast of Lovecraftian proportions; now this is a sporting event!  Still nonplussed, the sportscasters continue to comment in whispered tones; it’s what they do

I’d pull up a chair and pay to see golf matches like this!  With quicksand, scorpions, and rattlesnakes, perhaps we could also lend new meaning to tired old golf course “sand traps.”- – Now that’s entertainment!

Things in the Refrigerator…

June 15, 2015

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I, for one, find the notion of articulate beings addressing me from within the confines of an egg crate disquieting.  As someone who has taken a college-level embryology course, it’s hard enough for me to eat an egg, and I certainly don’t want to converse with one, much less some kind of medieval tiny humanoid thing clad in armor emerging from the crate.  This is clearly abnormal and wrong on so many different levels…

Introduced in 2012, Sir Can-A-Lot is on a crusade to “rescue the world from routine meals.” This Is far preferable, I suppose, to joining ISIS, and the diminutive knight is polite if annoyingly enthusiastic about the SPAM product that he endorses as “glorious SPAM!”  And I thought that needed a life!

Now in my dark little mind, I would like to see this scene rewritten to resemble a memorable one in the Gremlins films where a housewife becomes a kitchen samurai when confronted by invading gremlins, using household appliances against the invaders to deadly effect .– Let’s have the lady of the house grab the little knight, throw him in the microwave, and see if he sparks! Consider also throwing him in the sink garbage disposal to see how protective that tiny suit of armor really is! With a kitchen array of food processors, blenders, and cutting knives the possibilities for home defense are both varied and entertaining.

My mind is a strange and frightening place to be, really…

“I Heard Something in the Attic” d-Con Commercial

December 25, 2014

 

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In another commercial for d-Con pest control, a couple goes to investigate a noise heard in their attic. Once there, they encounter two large and socially-inappropriate mice. Now these are not your cute and endearing Christmas mice, but rather human-sized anthropomorphic ones who not only take up residence in your attic, but also rifle through personal possessions and even put on your stored clothing that they find there! Clearly, a line of some sort has been crossed here…

One of the mice appears to be looking through a photo album while another is wearing some kind of frilly feminine outfit, possibly a bridal gown. We’ll hope that said mouse is female, as I prefer not to even consider the thought of cross-gender dressing rodents, much less what pleasure they may take in such acts. No creature does this better than Bugs Bunny, anyways, and he always uses the ploy to confound his adversaries. Small wonder, then, that the couple order the offending vermin out…humanoid mice need to have a better sense of decorum. As the commercial concludes, enough is enough…