Archive for the ‘furry commercials’ category

Ernie the Elephant…

November 27, 2017


One of the latest commercial pitch-beasts is Ernie the Elephant, voiced by John Cena.  Although a fish out of water or elephant away from the jungle, Ernie is strangely at home everywhere, and would be infinitely more affable as a symbol of the Republican Party than the sitting American president.  

Now Ernie prefers pistachios to peanuts, and touts them for the Wonderful Pistachio company at a variety of sites including a ball field (above) and even in an elevator where he’s set off a weight sensor alarm. Ernie regards pistachios as a healthy snack, which he relates to be important in a age of unrealistic body images; ain’t it the truth! Nothing says healthy snack more than an elephant with saggy gray skin and a ton of junk in the trunk, apparently.

Elephants in commercials are rare, with the icon for Elephant Insurance being the other exemplar who comes to mind.  Ernie is far more laid back, however, and if you have to have an elephant in the living room, I’d rather that it be this easy-going guy.  In my mad world I’d love to see a cross-over series with cgi animal characters such as Ernie, Chester Cheeto, and the milk-that-messes-with-you cow from the Lactaide commercials…now that’s entertainment!



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Aspen Dental Well Commercial…

November 8, 2017

If you’ve ever watched an episode of “Lassie,” this commercial may resonate with you, because it presents a variation on a classic scenario from the old television series where young Timmy falls into a well, and it’s up to the faithful collie Lassie to summon rescuers.  Timmy needed a dog to take care of him, ‘ya see…

The story elements are essentially there, with the alteration that two adults rather than Timmy are trapped in the well.  The canine on the surface is sent for help, but returns with…a dentist.  Although this is Aspen Dental’s heroic dentist, the misunderstanding well victims nonetheless tell the dog that she is bad before the intervening dentist drops a rope over the well’s edge, telling those captives that use of it will be a little like flossing.  They are in a cavity, after all…

That’s just a little dental humor coming from the man in the white clinical coat, who is equally adept at defeating bank robbers, rescuing folks from elevators, or starting cars stranded in the desert.  Perhaps in the future, the Aspen Dental guy will take on a personification of gum disease, tooth decay, or plaque.  He might even travel with a youthful sidekick called Oral Hygiene.  At any rate, it’s good to know that Lassie hasn’t been forgotten…and do watch out for abandoned wells out there!  

The Kat Lady Kit Kat Halloween Commercial…

October 21, 2017


People with multiple cats tend to be regarded as demented; “Crazy Cat Lady” is practically part of the language.  Well, cats can really come into their own on Halloween, as illustrated in this 2016 Kit Kat candy commercial.  The brief spot begins when a mother out with Trick-or-Treating kids asks them whose house they want to visit first.  “The Cat Lady!,” they gleefully shriek.

Next we are shown the woman in question, seated comfortably in her home.  The doorbell rings, and immediately one cat across from her unfurls an impressive set of bat-like wings.  Next an Egyptian-styled cat saunters regally across the room. “It’s go-time, Kitty-Cat!,” announces the woman as she grabs a bowl filled with Kit Kat treats.  

So have a break…have a Kit Kat bar!  Wouldn’t you like to have a winged cat?  And Halloween is a lifestyle for some of us, really…

“The Closet” Progressive Insurance Commercial…

October 13, 2017


We all know that monsters prefer to reside either in the closet or under the beds in our bedrooms.  Tapping into this childhood fear, a boy summons his parents during the night, afraid that there are monsters in his bedroom.  The parents  dutifully appear, assuring their son that there are no such monsters, and that Progressive Insurance, not monsters, are keeping watch over them 24/7.  Dad then says goodnight and exits before the boy can ask other questions.

“Flo” then appears out of the boy’s closet where she’s been checking the wiring, clad as always in her spotless white uniform…now that’s scary!  Also appearing then from under the bed is a wonderful horned and hairy monster who in well-spoken and literate terms expresses concerns over the boy, wondering aloud if something wasn’t going on at school that was making his charge not quite himself…he’s just not engaging!  

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have your own private guardian monster?  Just the thing to turn loose on telemarketing agents and religious, fund-raising, or political solicitors who come unwanted to your door!  I want one for Xmas…and Happy Friday the 13th, buwahahaha!

Charmin Bears “Ultra Soft” Commercial…

September 29, 2017

As I have posted before, I worry about the Charmin Bears…seriously!  I think that we need to get the psychoanalysts in here, because their attraction to a product line transcends the normal and healthy, and borders on some kind of strange anal eroticism that is cringe-worthy, a place where I’d really prefer not to go.  

In their Ultra Soft commercial, the entire bear family is sitting around their living room with “bedroom eyes,” listening to romantic music while caressing the product…and there is some serious stroking going on here!  Some of the family is even rubbing the toilet paper on their face with ecstatic expressions while the strains of “Unchained Melody” swell. — Isn’t this a bit “over the top?”

Momma Bear would seem to think so, with the music finally screeching to a halt and the matriarch declaring, “OK now, this is starting to get a little weird!”  More than a little, I would say…one does not cuddle with toilet paper.  I love peanut butter, but I wouldn’t want to marry it…

Mr. Whipple, our troubled Trumpland nation turns its lonely eyes to you!  Only you can sort out and make right what’s gone wrong with toilet paper advertising!


Hotwire Commercial, “Time…”

September 21, 2017

 This is quite the Zen goat, serenely sitting on a couch in a Hotwire tv commercial and playing a sitar.  I haven’t heard a sitar played this well since Ravi Shankar, or perhaps Muriel in Courage the Cowardly Dog.   Since he’s anthropomorphic, the mountain goat’s name is “Carl,” and he’s in this surreal “No Pressure” environment to help demonstrate that time is a construct of human perception, an illusion like that we are shown of Martin Starr, our host, in an hourglass filling with red sand.  Since Hotwire can always get you a great rate, you’re under no pressure to book at a certain time.  So book, or don’t…the universe abides irregardless, dig?

And perhaps seated at the hooves of Carl, we could all be wafted away by his sitar music to partake of a little transcendental meditation…groovy, baby!  Anyone else up for a ’60’s revival?  Bring your Beatles and Jefferson Airplane albums, your Peter Max poster, and of course those psychedelic brownies…far out!

Kia Soul Turbo Hamster…

September 8, 2017

We haven’t seen the Kia Soul hamsters in a while, and this newest arrival…diapered, and fresh out of a hospital delivery ward…runs like a gazelle!  Pursued by hospital staff, the little dickens leads all on a merry chase down the corridors, never missing a step and maintaining a healthy lead.  Passing through a variety of hospital locales including a kitchen, the little speedster winds up on an elevator where he raises a finger to his nose to admonish an observing little girl not to inform on him. Finally grabbing a sheet to serve as a parachute, he vaults off the top floor of the hospital, descending to land in the back seat of a turbo Kia Soul passing on the street below.  

The baby hamster’s name, naturally, is Turbo…and set to the music of Motorhead’s 1980 song, Ace of Spades, the diminutive speedster proves that timing in life is everything…