Archive for the ‘bizarre’ category

The Nightmare Before Xmas?

December 4, 2017

As one might expect, decoration of the White House by the Trumps has proven…controversial.  While most of the rooms show traditional Xmas decor, one long hallway in particular has been termed eerie, spooky, and right out of a horror movie.  It’s presented here for your perusal…you decide!

“Darkness falls upon the land.  The midnight hour is close at hand.”* With enormous white skeletal branches clawing at you and emitting a preternatural light reflected by the cold, ice-like floor as you traverse the enormous length of the darkened hallway, you can almost feel the warmth being sucked out of your body.  It’s an “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” moment.  And wait…do you hear something?  Is the wind rattling those towering branches against one another like dried bones?  Or is something unspeakable about to rush up at you from behind?!  Could it be Jack Torrance wielding a knife, a dire wolf, or perhaps an especially nasty witch?  Has the Dark Side awakened? Wanna go for a slay ride along this dark road?  You can enter these woods, but you can’t check out, so “…stand and face the Hounds of Hell, or rot inside a corpse’s shell.”*  Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are lookin’ good…*

At any rate, there’s no escaping…how strangely appropriate!  Alright, cue the Vincent Price Thriller* narration…

* (With thanks to Michael Jackson and Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs…)


Advantage II for Cats Huge Flea Commercial…

July 25, 2017

Fleas the size of humans are the stuff of nightmares, especially if you happen to find them watching a movie with you, or (shudder) squirreled away all cozy in your bed… 

The giant fleas in the Advantage II for Cats commercial are both repulsive and oddly fascinating; it’s hard to look at them or away from them, perhaps because they’ve acclimated to human life so well.  They seem like world-weary couch potatoes, not really trying to make a fuss but just fit in.  And so it is when the woman vacuuming approaches the giant flea encamped on her couch, the insect very accommodatingly lifts a hind leg to allow her work to continue.  The flea fits in all too well, and is possibly less offensive than other house guests.  

If your cat has fleas, you probably do also” is the commercial’s disturbing message.  Perhaps in a sequel, we’ll hear the pitter-patter of not-so-little flea legs around the house, or see the one on the couch pick up the phone to order a pizza…

Hail, Caesar Salad!

March 3, 2017




— Don’t you just hate it when this happens to you?  You order soup at a restaurant, but get the Caesar salad instead, complete with Julius Caesar?!  

In a recent Geico commercial, we are treated to this very scene at a serene and nice looking Italian restaurant.  Four dinners are about to enjoy their repast, but there stands Julius Caesar on the table, complete in period costume. He’s a right proper Shakespearean, too, complete with passionate oratory about how cowards die many times before their deaths, but the valiant only taste of death once.

“Waiter, I ordered the soup!,” complains a proper-looking sweet old lady to the staff.  The waiter apologizes profusely, and then guides Caesar from the table.  I don’t blame the older lady for complaining.  I wouldn’t want Caesar’s sandal-clad foot near my salad either.–  Hygiene, please, how about it?!

So Caesar is led off, a fish out of water, or salad as the case may be.  This time his conversation centers about getting his parking ticket validated.  And as for valor, we foxes know that discretion is the greater part of it…

Puppy Monkey Baby…

February 21, 2016

Some things nature never intended, and even the mad Dr. Moreau created by H.G. Wells would have shied away from.  The PuppyMonkeyBaby created by Mountain Dew and first airing on Super Bowl 50 is one such thing…

…a CGI mishmash creation, the bizarre/disturbing/hilarious creature melds the head of a pug dog with the body and tail of a monkey and the lower extremities of a human infant.  In the commercial, it enters with the advertised product, dances into the presence of three guys watching television, licks the face of one of them, and dances off again, all the while repeating its own name.  This is to promote Mountain Dew’s Jumpstart, a mix of the drink, juice, and caffeine.

People tend to either love or hate PuppyMonkeyBaby, which may cross the line between cute and horrifying. Perhaps it could be worked into an episode of the X-Files or Mountain Monsters (they probably couldn’t catch it). In the current American presidential election year, the strange and the outrageous have become rather commonplace,however…

Roadkill Raps in Bosch Commercial!

December 24, 2015

It’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets the British show Mongrels in a dark and bizarre commercial spot for Bosch’s Icon wiper blades sponsored by the Humane Society called, “Don’t Be A Roadkill Car.”  

A quintet of road-slaughtered animals brings home the message that better wiper blades by facilitating your vision might have prevented their gruesome demise.  Meet Frank the Squirrel, who peels his flattened and protesting self off the road surface to demonstrate a still impressive set of vocal chords.  He is joined by Buck the Deer, Francesca Fox, Streetz the Skunk, and a tire-marked rabbit.  I found Francesca especially compelling in how she could extend up her severed head in her own paws.  They’ve all clearly seen much better days, but are doing their best undead service for Bosch blades and animal preservation.  It’s a gutsy commercial, literally and figuratively…

The commercial/public service announcement pushes the envelope, and is likely to shock if not revolt some viewers; their performance and their singing will, however, likely stick in your head!  As a year-round fan of Halloween and horror, these singing furry zombies with a message furnished me with a perfect antidote for the Xmas merchandising we’ve been relentlessly exposed to since October…I’d buy their album!


The Pigman of Vermont!

February 20, 2015


Men are such pigs, sometimes…or so I’ve been told, and can well believe, especially after seeing a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America which dished up one monster and two mysteries. Season 3 seems to be running a bit short on monsters, and so is plugging in more “mysteries,” which in this trilogy included a ghost story and a paranormal segment. That floats my boat, however, as I like a little variety in my viewing diet!

Now the Pigman of Vermont is described as having a man’s body with a pig’s head; he’s massive, muscular, has claws for hands but human feet, and parades around naked. He makes squealing sounds that also carry a shrieking component, and has been seen in the “Devil’s Washbowl” area of Northfield, a place used as a lover’s lane by local teenagers. In fall of 1971, a group of teens at a dance went outside to the woods where they supposedly saw a kneeling creature eating roadkill. Inside a cave in the Devil’s Washbowl area, a type of nesting area has been found, together with bones that were mostly feline. In another reported episode, a couple were making out in their car when the guy went to answer a “call of nature,” encountered the Pigman, and was physically thrown into the underbrush. Their screams drove the creature away, allowing the couple to escape in their car although the guy bore claw-like scratch marks on his chest.  In yet another reported incident, a group of young people walking through the woods had branches thrown in front of them repeatedly and heard squealing, occurrences which encouraged them to flee the area.

Now stories of a “Pigman” supposedly date back to the 15th century, with one story maintaining that a young man handled his pigs with cruelty, meeting one night with a bad end at the claws of the Pigman.  His body was never found, and in one account had been eaten…I do so love stories with a happy ending!  One accounting for the Pigman’s existence holds that he was a physically deformed child living in a feral way…

A second episode was a kind of ghost story from Jamestown, North Carolina detailing the appearances of “Lydia the Hitch Hiker,” the spirit of a young woman woman killed in a car accident in the 1920’s who is now bound to the underpass where she died, still trying to make her way home.  In one accounting from 1924, a man picked up a woman of beaten appearance who rode silently with him, at one point indicating by gesture the home of her residence.  When the man approached the resident of the house to advise them that he was returning their daughter home, the woman present indicated that her daughter had died years ago.  Returning to his car, the motorist found that his passenger had utterly vanished!  Another appearance of the spirit in 1972 was reported, when two young men traveling in a car saw a girl sitting by the side of the road who appeared to have been in a car accident; they originally bypassed her, but returned to offer aid, at which time the passenger of the vehicle became severely alarmed by the figure, urging the driver to pull away.  As they did so, the figure supposedly shrieked, “Come back!” A song, “Bringing Mary Home,” may reflect the case, and an investigator found that the unfortunate spirit’s name may have been Mary rather than Lydia.– A good spooky tale!

The final segment focused on “Project Stargate” supposedly conducted at Fort Meade during the height of the Cold War in an effort to turn psychics into soldier-spies.  Recruits were supposedly capable of “remote viewing,” a controversial psychic phenomena where an individual can project his consciousness, in this case to spy on our enemies.  Exercises involved discerning a “target” in a sealed envelope.  Subjects were also asked to see into the future, with one participant reportedly foreseeing the attack on the USS Stark.  Research was also done by Stargate into UFO activity, with one participant in 1982 perceiving a 300′ long object.  In 1984 when asked to focus on coordinates, one remote viewer perceived an encounter with a race of aliens in the distant past of which we are supposedly the descendants, a thread often found in science fiction…

Wooden Personalities?

August 1, 2014


I’ve always found it fairly easy to ascribe to the notion of sentient plant life.  I swear that the weeds are implementing a master plan to take over my lawn and garden, and mock me when I seek to eradicate them.  “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can imagine!,” cry their tiny voices in my ears, echoing old Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars.  If you would look for examples of intelligent plant life in movies or on the small screen, consider the carnivorous alien Audrey II plant from Little Shop of Horrors, the Triffids, the Jolly Green Giant, and a host of others.  We just haven’t had a good sentient plant around recently.

Fortunately, we have the character of Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy coming to our rescue!  Yeah, I know he’s essentially a sentient tree, but he does appear with a raccoon, so he merits mention here.  Furthermore, Groot is voiced by none less than Vin Diesel, so you know that this is a plant to be reckoned with!  While Groot is integral to the action of Guardians, he isn’t much of a talker, saying only one three-word line in the entire movie (“I am Groot!“).  Still, Vin Diesel voiced that line in several languages for movie outtakes, and even wore stilts coming in to the recording studio so as to better assume more of the character’s stature…and you thought that method acting was dead!

I’ve always liked the actor as an action hero, although some might say that his performance here is a bit…wooden, ahahahaha!