Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

“The Closet” Progressive Insurance Commercial…

October 13, 2017


We all know that monsters prefer to reside either in the closet or under the beds in our bedrooms.  Tapping into this childhood fear, a boy summons his parents during the night, afraid that there are monsters in his bedroom.  The parents  dutifully appear, assuring their son that there are no such monsters, and that Progressive Insurance, not monsters, are keeping watch over them 24/7.  Dad then says goodnight and exits before the boy can ask other questions.

“Flo” then appears out of the boy’s closet where she’s been checking the wiring, clad as always in her spotless white uniform…now that’s scary!  Also appearing then from under the bed is a wonderful horned and hairy monster who in well-spoken and literate terms expresses concerns over the boy, wondering aloud if something wasn’t going on at school that was making his charge not quite himself…he’s just not engaging!  

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have your own private guardian monster?  Just the thing to turn loose on telemarketing agents and religious, fund-raising, or political solicitors who come unwanted to your door!  I want one for Xmas…and Happy Friday the 13th, buwahahaha!

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Spring-Heeled Jack…

October 11, 2017

With Spooktober  here on Destination America, it’s time to delve into the archives a bit and consider a fairly obscure but historically interesting cryptid who reportedly terrorized London in the Victorian era.  He was called Spring-Heeled Jack for his supposed ability to execute astonishing leaps, capable apparently of clearing a house in a single bound.  

Now numerous images of Jack exist, ranging from the hideous to the almost dashing figure shown here.  Most reports describe him as appearing demonic, with clawed hands and prominent red eyes.  Jack also had the described ability to spew blue flames at his victims.  He was prone to attacking women and making off with children, with surviving victims suffering claw injuries and psychological trauma.  His first attack is said to have occurred in 1837, kissing and clawing up a woman who drove him off with her screams.  Numerous attacks were said to have taken place in 1838.

Jack’s escapades became the topics of “Penny Dreadful” fiction, and parents used to keep difficult children in line by threats of his appearance.  The last recorded sighting of him dates back to 1904.  Some have speculated that Spring-Heeled Jack was one of the inspirations for Batman, as you might see suggested by the figure above.  And with his last public appearance occurring over 100 years ago, perhaps this Victorian boogeyman is due for a revival, Steampunk being “in” and all…

  

Hotwire Commercial, “Time…”

September 21, 2017

 This is quite the Zen goat, serenely sitting on a couch in a Hotwire tv commercial and playing a sitar.  I haven’t heard a sitar played this well since Ravi Shankar, or perhaps Muriel in Courage the Cowardly Dog.   Since he’s anthropomorphic, the mountain goat’s name is “Carl,” and he’s in this surreal “No Pressure” environment to help demonstrate that time is a construct of human perception, an illusion like that we are shown of Martin Starr, our host, in an hourglass filling with red sand.  Since Hotwire can always get you a great rate, you’re under no pressure to book at a certain time.  So book, or don’t…the universe abides irregardless, dig?

And perhaps seated at the hooves of Carl, we could all be wafted away by his sitar music to partake of a little transcendental meditation…groovy, baby!  Anyone else up for a ’60’s revival?  Bring your Beatles and Jefferson Airplane albums, your Peter Max poster, and of course those psychedelic brownies…far out!

Kia Soul Turbo Hamster…

September 8, 2017

We haven’t seen the Kia Soul hamsters in a while, and this newest arrival…diapered, and fresh out of a hospital delivery ward…runs like a gazelle!  Pursued by hospital staff, the little dickens leads all on a merry chase down the corridors, never missing a step and maintaining a healthy lead.  Passing through a variety of hospital locales including a kitchen, the little speedster winds up on an elevator where he raises a finger to his nose to admonish an observing little girl not to inform on him. Finally grabbing a sheet to serve as a parachute, he vaults off the top floor of the hospital, descending to land in the back seat of a turbo Kia Soul passing on the street below.  

The baby hamster’s name, naturally, is Turbo…and set to the music of Motorhead’s 1980 song, Ace of Spades, the diminutive speedster proves that timing in life is everything… 

The Trump Rat…

August 16, 2017

 

What’s orange, inflatable, fifteen feet tall, and full of hot air? – – Why, the Trump Rat, of course!  Now, Donald Trump has been depicted as a variety of anthropomorphic animals, including a rooster.  The Trump Rat, however, shows uncommon attention to detail.  In addition to the trademark hair, there’s also the pursed lips, the red tie, and in a whimsical touch, Confederate-flag cuff links!  

The Trump Rat was positioned a short distance from Trump Tower when The Donald retreated to New York, and has become a popular site for tourist selfies.  Its creator was supposedly inspired by a particularly revolting rat that he spotted in New York City some time ago. The windbag is supposedly poised to travel to other locations, at times shadowing Trump himself.  

I would hasten to add that normally rodent-human hybrids have a proud and respectable heritage, with Mickey Mouse, The Secret of NIMH rats, and Fivel of An American Tail but several examples that come to mind…

Original “Godzilla” Actor Dies…

August 8, 2017


He waded out of the Pacific Ocean in 1954, and into cinematic history.  He was one of the great ones, in every sense of the word.  And now it is with regret that I report that the original actor to play Godzilla has died of pneumonia at the age of 88…

Haruo Nakajima played Godzilla in twelve films, his last outing in 1972’s Godzilla vs. Gigan.  To prepare for the original role, Nakajima went to the Tokyo zoo to study the movements of elephants and bears, believing that Godzilla had to move convincingly to avoid being a farce.  The suit that he wore weighed up to 220 lbs. as it was crafted in part of ready-mixed concrete.  Stomping among miniaturized sets, Nakajima suffered for his art as wearing the suit caused him to sweat terribly.

Nakajima began his movie career in samurai and war movies before becoming a monster movie icon.  Not limited to one role, Nakajima also played Rodan, Mothra (my personal favorite), and King Kong! – – Thank you, Haruo, for bringing the King of the Monsters to life!  

Advantage II for Cats Huge Flea Commercial…

July 25, 2017

Fleas the size of humans are the stuff of nightmares, especially if you happen to find them watching a movie with you, or (shudder) squirreled away all cozy in your bed… 

The giant fleas in the Advantage II for Cats commercial are both repulsive and oddly fascinating; it’s hard to look at them or away from them, perhaps because they’ve acclimated to human life so well.  They seem like world-weary couch potatoes, not really trying to make a fuss but just fit in.  And so it is when the woman vacuuming approaches the giant flea encamped on her couch, the insect very accommodatingly lifts a hind leg to allow her work to continue.  The flea fits in all too well, and is possibly less offensive than other house guests.  

If your cat has fleas, you probably do also” is the commercial’s disturbing message.  Perhaps in a sequel, we’ll hear the pitter-patter of not-so-little flea legs around the house, or see the one on the couch pick up the phone to order a pizza…