Archive for the ‘animals’ category

Charmin Bears “Ultra Soft” Commercial…

September 29, 2017

As I have posted before, I worry about the Charmin Bears…seriously!  I think that we need to get the psychoanalysts in here, because their attraction to a product line transcends the normal and healthy, and borders on some kind of strange anal eroticism that is cringe-worthy, a place where I’d really prefer not to go.  

In their Ultra Soft commercial, the entire bear family is sitting around their living room with “bedroom eyes,” listening to romantic music while caressing the product…and there is some serious stroking going on here!  Some of the family is even rubbing the toilet paper on their face with ecstatic expressions while the strains of “Unchained Melody” swell. — Isn’t this a bit “over the top?”

Momma Bear would seem to think so, with the music finally screeching to a halt and the matriarch declaring, “OK now, this is starting to get a little weird!”  More than a little, I would say…one does not cuddle with toilet paper.  I love peanut butter, but I wouldn’t want to marry it…

Mr. Whipple, our troubled Trumpland nation turns its lonely eyes to you!  Only you can sort out and make right what’s gone wrong with toilet paper advertising!


Advertisements

Hotwire Commercial, “Time…”

September 21, 2017

 This is quite the Zen goat, serenely sitting on a couch in a Hotwire tv commercial and playing a sitar.  I haven’t heard a sitar played this well since Ravi Shankar, or perhaps Muriel in Courage the Cowardly Dog.   Since he’s anthropomorphic, the mountain goat’s name is “Carl,” and he’s in this surreal “No Pressure” environment to help demonstrate that time is a construct of human perception, an illusion like that we are shown of Martin Starr, our host, in an hourglass filling with red sand.  Since Hotwire can always get you a great rate, you’re under no pressure to book at a certain time.  So book, or don’t…the universe abides irregardless, dig?

And perhaps seated at the hooves of Carl, we could all be wafted away by his sitar music to partake of a little transcendental meditation…groovy, baby!  Anyone else up for a ’60’s revival?  Bring your Beatles and Jefferson Airplane albums, your Peter Max poster, and of course those psychedelic brownies…far out!

Kia Soul Turbo Hamster…

September 8, 2017

We haven’t seen the Kia Soul hamsters in a while, and this newest arrival…diapered, and fresh out of a hospital delivery ward…runs like a gazelle!  Pursued by hospital staff, the little dickens leads all on a merry chase down the corridors, never missing a step and maintaining a healthy lead.  Passing through a variety of hospital locales including a kitchen, the little speedster winds up on an elevator where he raises a finger to his nose to admonish an observing little girl not to inform on him. Finally grabbing a sheet to serve as a parachute, he vaults off the top floor of the hospital, descending to land in the back seat of a turbo Kia Soul passing on the street below.  

The baby hamster’s name, naturally, is Turbo…and set to the music of Motorhead’s 1980 song, Ace of Spades, the diminutive speedster proves that timing in life is everything… 

The Trump Rat…

August 16, 2017

 

What’s orange, inflatable, fifteen feet tall, and full of hot air? – – Why, the Trump Rat, of course!  Now, Donald Trump has been depicted as a variety of anthropomorphic animals, including a rooster.  The Trump Rat, however, shows uncommon attention to detail.  In addition to the trademark hair, there’s also the pursed lips, the red tie, and in a whimsical touch, Confederate-flag cuff links!  

The Trump Rat was positioned a short distance from Trump Tower when The Donald retreated to New York, and has become a popular site for tourist selfies.  Its creator was supposedly inspired by a particularly revolting rat that he spotted in New York City some time ago. The windbag is supposedly poised to travel to other locations, at times shadowing Trump himself.  

I would hasten to add that normally rodent-human hybrids have a proud and respectable heritage, with Mickey Mouse, The Secret of NIMH rats, and Fivel of An American Tail but several examples that come to mind…

Original “Godzilla” Actor Dies…

August 8, 2017


He waded out of the Pacific Ocean in 1954, and into cinematic history.  He was one of the great ones, in every sense of the word.  And now it is with regret that I report that the original actor to play Godzilla has died of pneumonia at the age of 88…

Haruo Nakajima played Godzilla in twelve films, his last outing in 1972’s Godzilla vs. Gigan.  To prepare for the original role, Nakajima went to the Tokyo zoo to study the movements of elephants and bears, believing that Godzilla had to move convincingly to avoid being a farce.  The suit that he wore weighed up to 220 lbs. as it was crafted in part of ready-mixed concrete.  Stomping among miniaturized sets, Nakajima suffered for his art as wearing the suit caused him to sweat terribly.

Nakajima began his movie career in samurai and war movies before becoming a monster movie icon.  Not limited to one role, Nakajima also played Rodan, Mothra (my personal favorite), and King Kong! – – Thank you, Haruo, for bringing the King of the Monsters to life!  

“The Three Rings of the North” on “Mountain Monsters”

May 26, 2017

 

 

With an episode title like “The Three Rings of the North,” (S5/Ep6), you might think that Mountain Monsters was getting into some kind of Tolkienesque fantasy, but the rings referenced were of grapevine, and hobbits were nowhere in sight.

In the last episode of this increasingly strange series, a bloodied Huckleberry was left inside their base camp, and it seems that he claimed to have gotten into a knife fight with a creature he had driven off.  Huck understandably contended that they needed to fortify the camp, at which point Jeff walked off, saying that he needed some air.  “I’m falling apart here bad,” he told pursuing team member Buck, who was able to talk Jeff down and arrange another private meeting with him the next day.

During that meeting, Buck described his getting lost in the last episode, and hearing the “sickening cackle” of the “Woman of the Woods.”  Becoming upset in this recollection as well as a video left on his cell phone, Buck decided that he had missed something and needed to go back to the woods alone to search for clues.  Doing this without even a cameraman, Buck had another fleeting encounter with a little girl who seems associated with the “Woman of the Woods,” and left the site.  

The next day, the team met with their leader Trapper, and Jeff who had been serving as a double agent confessed that he was not a higher-up in the other organization.  An electrified fence was erected around their base camp, with blood found on trees outside the camp, presumably from Huckleberry’s knife fight with the mysterious creature in the camp itself.  Trying to continue his role as defector, Jeff met at night with members of the other team and was told that his tenure there was done; a scuffle ensued when Jeff insisted on hearing that from the other team’s boss.  Jeff was taken away by the other team, later managing to text the AIMS team to turn on the radio that Willy had stolen from the other team in the previous episode.  Listening to this radio, they heard that the other team was headed north to the “three rings.”  They headed north themselves on foot, eventually finding a large grapevine construction of three rings with torchlight illumination.  Jeff himself was wandering about the scene, apparently in a daze and holding a torch…

…the plot thickens, huh?  Not exactly gripping entertainment, but the show’s attempt to live up to their opening promise that “In the Dark Forest, the mystery ignites.”  At this point in the series, the cryptids are almost a peripheral consideration to the soap opera and mystery elements.

Huckleberry’s Predator…

May 16, 2017

Skipping now the “Superfan” episode of the previous week which basically served to recycle old material, S5/Ep5 of Mountain Monsters picked up with Jeff and Trapper being found in a barn by the rest of the AIMS team.  It turned out that Jeff was basically working as a double agent, working with “Harry and Stinky” of the other team to gather information.  Jeff advised his team mates to download video from a tripped trail camera, which they did only to find it password protected.  Jeff later supplied the password , and the video revealed an image of…the Black Wolf!

At a night meeting with Jeff, Buck was told that “something big” would be going on by a high rock wall.  Buck became lost in the woods, sending the rest of his teammates by phone to the designated location. Willy and Wild Bill rappelled down the wall in order to listen, with Willy managing to steal a radio of the other team to facilitate this process.  On the radio, it was heard that Jeff was down and bleeding. Fearing that he was gunshot, Willy and Wild Bill hastened to that location, finding Jeff down with one of his gradually-worsening nose bleeds.  Meanwhile still lost in the woods, Buck heard the laughter of the “Woman in the Woods,” wandering off in a daze for ninety minutes before being located by his cameraman.

Meanwhile Huckleberry shared his impression of being stalked by a creature in the woods, following it back to their base camp cabin.  He entered the cabin alone, and was later found there in a bloodied condition by his now-reunited team mates.  “It knows we’re here,” remarked Huckleberry at the end of the episode, which will be continued next week in this endlessly drawn-out saga…