- – Multi-tasking may be carried a tad too far in a new Verizon commercial where we encounter a Crocodile Dundee wannabe rasslin’ with a 14-foot alligator while simultaneously using his trusty Verizon service phone to place a winning bid on a 1979 Dukes of Hazzard airbrushed lunchbox with a thermos!  Does the lunchbox have Daisy Duke and/or the General Lee on it?- -We’re kept hanging…

There’s water and mud aplenty in the Louisiana swamp in this commercial which spoofs the popular History Channel reality show, Swamp People…and some have criticized the commercial for depicting and trivializing what they consider inhumane practices.

 - – At Disney World and Disneyland, employees have long been forbidden to wear facial hair since those enterprise were launched.  This was rather strange, since Walt Disney himself sported a moustache.- -Well, fret no more, facial hair fanciers!  Disney resorts will now allow employees to wear facial hair, provided of course that it’s kept neat and trim…

…unless, of course, you’re one of the Seven Dwarfs!

 - – While cuddly, felines are also tough and resilient.  I’ve heard it said that a cat will survive if all of its parts are in the same room.  That seems to have been the case with a stray orange tabby in Houston nicknamed “Cupid” who survived a piercing shoulder-to-shoulder arrow wound.

The incident was not thought to have been an accident, and somehow the courageous cat survived its wound and still managed to elude neighborhood residents for about three days before being captured by the city animal rescue group and being taken to an animal hospital.  A vet there took x-rays and determined that there was no “paws for concern” before surgically removing the arrow, which had missed all vital organs…

…Cupid is expected to make a full recovery.- -Don’t you love stories that have a happy ending?!

- – Before vampires were pretty and made babies with human girlfriends, Anne Rice showed us how things should have been in her acclaimed Vampire Chronicles series that began in 1976.  Rice’s vampire Lestat was cunning, ruthless, rather classy, and quite magnetic, his exploits detailed in a series that had considerable literary merit.  Even folks not ordinarily into vampires found Rice’s  tales a powerful draw.  The giddy ride ended when Rice began writing books about angels and the life of Christ, leaving us literate horror fans to cry in our root beer.

That long dry spell may be alleviated with Rice’s return to horror at least  to a degree in her upcoming release, The Wolf Gift, coming in February on Valentine’s Day (–what could be more appropriate?)!  Called both a return and a departure, Rice’s new work marks a return to the horror genre, but with spiritual  elements as the lead male werewolf character is a kind of protector or guardian.  The book is also a departure in that Rice has never done the lycanthrope scene before.  She is, however, expected to bring her intelligent blend of class and romanticism to the effort while delivering the jolts.

While details about the work are few, it sounds promising.  Perhaps most interesting is the fact that the featured werewolf, a reporter operating in California, suffers no “disconnect” following a transformation; rather, he can recall all of his actions the previous night when in the wolf state.  This werewolf would also appear to suffer less angst about his status, and rather to see the potential in the “gift.”  We learn how the central character became a werewolf, and follow his growth in that condition and as part of a greater scheme.

So I’m looking forward to reading this one, and won’t wait until it’s on the bargain table…The Wolf Gift is not a present I’m likely to return!

In one version, the unlikely and fantastic characters are seated in a circle of chairs as part of an “I Exist!” support group, listening to Santa complaining about not being believed in by his core constituents…another version re-unites this cast, also bringing forth a unicorn and a merman, the latter introduced as the boyfriend of the tooth fairy…the merman gets so taken with the flavor of Diet Dr. Pepper that he breaks his aquatic container with an enthusiastic rap of his trident!

Perhaps I can find a local chapter of the I Exist support group…heaven knows I need the validation! 

 - – At a restaurant aptly named Hamburger Mary’s in Tampa, Florida, an image of the Virgin Mary has been reported on a stainless steel wall near the kitchen.  Remarkably, the diner has been known for gay karaoke nights and drag queen shows. 

The mark of a superior being or saint has likewise been seen in a Walmart receipt, cheese sandwiches, candle wax, Cheetos, rocks, overturned trees, walls, pizza pans, and even on a fish stick!   Some of these items have been offered for sale on internet auction sites.  Verily, the Lord moves in mysterious ways…

The perception of religious imagery in natural phenomena is sometimes called simulacra, and studies have shown that even visual perceptions can be affected by wishes, preferences, and desires.  The human mind prefers to perceive patterns, especially the pattern of a human face, in otherwise random phenomena.  Perception of an image is additionally mediated or filtered through culture, politics, and worldview…

 - – “Ah, so much better than last year!,” muses a contented passenger on a Carnival Cruise ship as he and his companion look over the railing of a ship at sea.  Next we are shown a flashback to last year’s vacation, where at a camp site the same man is shown screaming behind the wheel of a car, his passenger also screaming on her side of the vehicle as a bear and a mountain lion both on their hind legs paw at the vehicle. 

“Throw the food out the window!,” screams the man in fear and desperation as the bear roars.  Unfortunately, we’re never shown the outcome of the encounter.   Then we return to the cruise ship, where the woman takes a bite of a treat and swears, “Never again!”   It’s all part of Carnival’s “land versus sea” campaign extolling the virtues and pleasures of sea travel vacations…

…in my twisted little mind, however, I can rewrite the ending of this commercial with an anthropomorphic bear and lion standing along the cruise ship railing, having financed the trip with the proceeds of their profitable campground takeover!

 - – It’s an inherently gruesome topic, but our distaste for roadkill doesn’t eliminate the existence of it, and  it’s a problem that must be dealt with.  In many areas, state highway crews or private contractors are brought in to remove animal carcasses along roadways; in my area, one private contractor is a grandmotherly-looking woman.  For those with sufficiently strong stomachs, roadkill removal is a fairly lucrative business; removal of a single deer carcass can bring $50 or so.

In Illinois, a “roadkill bill” took effect last year that allowed anyone with an Illinois furbearer license to salvage pelts or even food from the unfortunate fauna that lost a fight with steel-belted radials.  The promoter of the bill was a retired state conservation officer who thought it was a waste to allow  animal pelts to rot along the roadside, and saw it as an opportunity for some people to make a little money.

At least 14 states have laws related to roadkill, including those that allow motorists to keep animals that they hit although some laws pertain only to deer or bears… 

(Pictured is a desktop from Roadkill Toys.)

 - – Most people like talking animals, which is good because I am one…a writing, blogging one, anyways.  Those of the talking animal persuasion tend accordingly to be popular as product and service spokesmen, or one might say, spokesfurs.  Recently Netflix has released two commercials, one with a talking beaver and the other with a talking hamster. 

The Netflix beaver is genial and sociable, and takes us inside a cozy lodge where a rabbit and a duck are comfortably seated on a sofa watching a big screen television.  The beaver introduces us to the Netflix service and its attractive rates, which are then confirmed by a fish which conveniently pops up from beneath the beaver’s hat.  It’s all cute and charmingly retro, with the animal cast looking like they’d be naturals for hosting an afternoon or Saturday morning show for kids.- – I’d move in with them in a minute!

Not everyone has received this commercial well, however, with some noting similarities to the stop-motion Beaver Creek Episodes created in 2008 by award-winning animator Ian Timothy, and viewable on YouTube…

 - – He’s still having fun, and he’s still the one!- -Maxwell the pig, that is.  Reappearing in a commercial for the new Geico mobile app and having the time of his life, Maxwell is enthusiastically riding along high above the ground on a zip line, his little feet flailing, sensibly helmeted, and a pinwheel in each hoof!  He catches up with a slower moving rider, slows momentarily, and pronounces his experience to be “Pure…adrenaline!“  Then Maxwell is off, pinwheels spinning and “whee!”-ing as he goes!  We’d expect nothing less from him…

…Well done, Maxwell, for returning  just as we needed ‘ya, and getting 2012 off to a good furry start!