Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…

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- – Hoo boy!  Monsters & Mysteries in America fed us some great stuff in a recent episode (S2/Ep11), even if some of it was a bit hard to swallow.  Mellonheads (not to be confused with “My Melancholy Baby” or Coneheads) are strange, mutant creatures sometimes mistaken for children; we all know what little monsters they can be!  In what sounds like a great plot for a low-budget horror movie, a diabolical Dr. Crow in depression-era Kirtland, Ohio of the 1930’s performed sinister experiments in which he mutated orphaned children into monsters. After years of abuse, these deformed and tormented children rose up, fought back, and took revenge on the doctor, burning down his mansion.  It’s uncertain whether the doctor was killed, or simply escaped to set up practice elsewhere.

At any rate, there are dozens of sightings of Mellonheads over the years, especially in Michigan and Connecticut, with a few sightings even reported in Florida.  In Trumbill, Connecticut a Mellonhead sighting was reported along a road locally called “Dracula Drive.”  Then in 1986 in Naples, Florida kids playing war games left two of their number duct taped to a tree…with friends like that, who needs monsters, right?  Anyways, a Mellonhead was heard approaching and was reportedly seen by one of the taped duo, the other one’s head being held at the wrong angle for a sighting although both heard the mutant’s approach.  Their emotional extremity gave them sufficient strength and incentive to break the duct tape, and they fled the approaching Mellonhead successfully…

…then we have the Devil Monkey, who has been sighted in the Appalachian Montains in the 1970’s, specifically in such locations as West Point, Kentucky where Wayman and Marva Morgan were troubled by something five to seven feet tall that killed and mangled their poor Sheltie dog and made noises while ransacking their garbage cans.  Further announcing its presence by a bad odor, the Devil Monkey was spotted by Marva Morgan through a window, and was seen to have sharp fangs and claws.  In Saltville, Virginia the parents of Scott Boyd encountered a Devil Monkey while in their car, when the creature raked at their windows and left lengthy scratches in rows of three along the sides of the vehicle.  Speculations were made that perhaps the creature escaped from a government research facility (like myself), or was mutated by heavy metal pollution in the area.

Last but not least in Topeka, Kansas we were brought tales of the Blue Albino Woman, not to be confused with Smurfette or Dr. Manhattan.  This entity is rather a witch with long white hair and pale, blue-tinted skin.  A former resident of Topeka, the blue one was tormented and buried alive by sadistic local hoodlums, a practice which ticked her off royally and cast her into payback mode.  Now she frequents Rochester Cemetery and chases people out, a plague upon the living bent upon settling old scores…sounds like a plan to me!  Hundreds of sightings have been reported in the area, among them one by James George, who while a boy taken clothes shopping encountered big blue in a store among the manikins.  More recently in 2013, a Jessica Streeter went to said cemetery with her boyfriend, intent on a little amore but instead encountering the blue avenger, who reportedly scratched at them and tried to choke her. The couple managed to escape, and the young lady later used some Irish/gypsy magic to seal and protect her home from intrusion.  A local historian speculated that the Blue Albino Woman may just affect those who are looking for her…she vants to be alone!

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3 Comments on “Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…”

  1. carycomic Says:

    That wouldn’t explain her fascination with young James, though. I mean; first, the department store. And, then, his bedroom window in the middle of the night? What did she have against _him_? Or did he look like the son she had always wanted to have?* Either way, it’s no wonder the poor kid grew to become a portrait painter who dresses like a Green Beret!

    As for these Appalachian “devil monkeys;” the first time I heard of them was on the second and final season of Animal Planet’s THE LOST TAPES. And, I’m a little dubious that _anybody_ outside Appalachia is hearing about these particular cryptids for the first time, ever! Fear of ridicule, perhaps? Or, rural business people trying to cash in on the renewed interest in Bigfoot (albeit, with a feistier, pygmy-sized version)?

    Then, again, I’ve lived in Connecticut all my life. And, yet, the first time I ever heard of the Trumbull Melonheads was in a very hefty hardcover entitled WEIRD NEW ENGLAND! So, I guess anything’s possible.

    I will now end my longer-winded-than-usual schpiel, here.

    *That’s assuming there is any factual basis to the urban legend of how she became a vengeful vampiress in the first place.

    • vulpesffb Says:

      Melonheads should not be confused with Lemonheads, which can be found at most movie theater refreshment stands…for a horrifying price, ahahahaha!

      You’re the best commentator I’ve got, so schpiel away, even if a schpiel does sound like an ethnic food treat…


  2. A little late to the game, but I need to clarify this: we did not go there to have sex. The producers added that element to make the story more interesting. They also omitted that I have led tours of that cemetery and had regular encounters with her. She didn’t chase us out for having sex, she chased us out because it was a waxing moon and she didn’t want to be disturbed.


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